When feeling stuck, lost, unhappy, or uncertain, when life seems lackluster or has lost most or all of its meaning, when this occurs, it can be said, “Oh, that’s a symptom of depression…. this person is depressed.”

That may or may not be the case. To attribute this malaise – as I’ll call it – to depression is to attribute it to the impersonal, unintentional, and uncontrollable manifestations of an illness or disease process. Such attribution short-circuits a coming-to-understand of what gave rise to this malaise, what it portends, and how to heal it.

Sometimes malaise is indeed a symptom of the ‘depressive disease’. Sometimes malaise, because of the pain it brings and its more or less unbearable nature, can indeed give rise to this self-sustaining and self-perpetuating illness we call depression. But that which gave rise to the malaise in the first place and the depression it may have in turn led to, continues.

Should this as-yet-unknown ‘it’ causing the malaise, not be brought into the light, not have its meaningfulness in that person’s life be acknowledged and attended to? I believe it should be. Why? Because that malaise is indeed a symptom. But a symptom of what? To say a symptom of depression is a cop out. That’s an answer that sounds like an explanation, but it is not. The question thus still stands: of what is the malaise a symptom?

The answer may be obvious or obscure, simple or complex, easy or hard to understand, and easy or hard to resolve. But getting to that answer is of greatest importance in how the self will now live (or choose to live) its life.

I submit that malaise is an unavoidable part of human life. To live is to feel malaise, a losing or never yet finding of one’s way. To feel malaise is a wake-up call and an occasion to question it (this malaise) as it questions the self. How does malaise question the self? By raising awareness of the noxiousness that malaise itself is. To be considered malaise, this state must be noxious in some way. To be noxious is to draw attention to itself. Just like pain: pain is a signal to attend to what may be causing tissue damage. Malaise is a pain of the self and signals a need to attend to what may be causing damage to the self and to the way the self is living its life.

And how does one question malaise? First, by acknowledging its adaptiveness. It is a symptom that is not merely (or perhaps even at all) a manifestation of an already recognized disease, like depression, that adds no new information or benefit to the self. Malaise is a signal of what is making itself known in order to be attended to. The questioning of malaise is imperative because its source usually has not been explored. Without a diagnosis of what causes malaise, no treatment can be undertaken. We can refer to this as ‘malaise of unknown origin.’

Of course, some people know exactly what is causing their malaise – they’ve already established a diagnosis. Their challenge is in having a plan and the gumption to implement the needed treatment, which itself may be painful to the self, at least in the interim. Having said this, in my experience, many other people do not yet truly understand their malaise and thus have no recourse to treatment. Others still, misattribute the source of their malaise – in effect, misdiagnose it – and, thus, implement the wrong treatment.

When unsure, I recommend dwelling in that uncertainty. That uncertainty, just like the malaise, carries within it something deeply adaptive – if we could only hear it and let it be.

This uncertainty has an ancient name: aporia. (Aporia originates from the Greek word áporos, which means “impassable” or “without passage.” The prefix a- is privative, which means the lack or opposite of, and poros means passage. For example, our English word porous means the state of being passable.) Aporia signifies a deadlock in reasoning and is often used to prompt deeper thought, born of humility before the mystery. Aporia was the method used by Socrates when he continued to question an interlocutor until that interlocutor, who at the start was certain he knew, was thrown into aporia, a state of uncertainty. Socrates’s goal was to disabuse people of their false certainties and misapprehensions.

In uncertainty, it is good to pause and listen, to let the answers come to you. Many times the answers come and, indeed, may have been coming for a long time. They have not been attended to. Why not? Because oftentimes they speak quietly, in the silence of the night, or when falling asleep or waking up. They speak through a sudden seizure of doom or dread, something that passes quickly, like clouds that momentarily obscure the sun. They speak through hesitations and enthusiasms. The challenge is to learn to see, hear, and feel these answers-in-the-making.

These signs and portents should be welcomed, accepted as they are, and not prematurely fit into preconceived notions. To let them be as they show themselves, even when how they show themselves and what they show of themselves remains obscure.

With a mindset of mindfulness (that is, remembering to pay attention) and acceptance of what shows itself, there is enjoyment of this coming of sense. It is a time of pause that will give way to change and growth. In fact, it already is that time of change and growth. The answers are germinating, and you, along with them.  Don’t rush. Question and give time for the answers to form. If you question, it only makes sense to then listen for the answers as they show themselves according to themselves and not according to your expectations. The path forward becomes clearer – but not all at once. It takes time for the layers of experience and memory and meaning and expectations that accrued in you and that made you who you are to come into focus. Its ok to talk to yourself out loud, to listen to the silence, to write, read, converse with others. Welcome to your life.

Thanks, and take care,  

Dr. Jack

Quotes of the Week

“I know you won’t believe me, but the highest form of human excellence is to question oneself and others”  ― Socrates

“I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think.” ― Socrates

“To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them.” ― William Shakespeare