Many of us (and our children) live a life of plenty. This has obvious benefits and perhaps less obvious costs. Here is a working list I made for myself (with my initial glosses on each item) of what can still be missing – or even more likely to be missing – when one has ‘everything.’

Discernment: to discern means to perceive clearly what initially was obscure. Discernment is the ability to distinguish one thing from another, often seemingly similar, based on differences in their qualities or traits. Having made relevant distinctions, it allows each thing to be judged as to its worth and relevance in one’s life. When one has everything, the tradeoffs between one thing and another may be less evident. The perceived need for discernment may recede.

Decisiveness: once the relevance and value of things in one’s life have been discerned, the next step is to decide what to do with and about the things involved. For example, if one has the opportunity to do ‘anything,’ one needs to identify the relative worth of each activity because time is limited for everyone. Once one discerns each activity’s relative worth, one must act to keep some activities, jettison others, and perhaps add new ones. Decisions are hard to make because it means ‘cutting off’ what may have been a regular part of life and which still retains some value, though at a level that no longer makes the ‘cut.’ A habit of decisiveness is difficult to establish but is needed to live a life aligned with one’s considered and highest values.

Sense of sufficiency: the irony is that a person who has ‘everything’ is often the very person most at risk of living in the fear of missing out. Being in a position of having nearly unlimited opportunities to do what one pleases does NOT naturally lead to a sense of sufficiency, adequacy, completion, or rest. It may stir up a pervasive and nagging anxiety of missing out on all the world offers and a headlong striving to try to do it all. A sense of having arrived, of having all that one needs, of resting in an appreciation of all one already has can be absent.

Discipline: when the offerings are so rich, it is hard to cut off a portion of those actual and potential goods and activities to instead devote oneself to a narrow set of them. And yet, it is the cutting off of all that is superfluous and extraneous to what one values most that allows the whole-hearted pursuit of those most valuable things and to do so in a thoughtful, careful, and disciplined manner. To be careful means more than to be cautious; it means to be full of care, of perceiving the value of the person, object, or activity that is one’s focus, and remaining mindful of the implications of one’s action that may affect them for good or ill. Thoughtfulness requires sweating the details now and as one proceeds, and discipline means being orderly and focused in one’s training, attainment of skill and knowledge, and deployment in valued goal-directed activities.

Commitment: commitment means remaining loyal and devoted to the people in one’s life or to one’s vocation or cause despite everything. That ‘everything’ includes all manner of distraction, of new opportunities that always arise and call out to be attended to, and of threats made or losses imposed by other people, institutions, or circumstances that are at odds or actively hostile to one’s commitments.

Cherishing: the richness of what the person with ‘everything’ already has and the endless new offerings that keep rising up for that person may leave little time, motivation, and presence of mind to affirmatively appreciate and explicitly show and say the gratitude that is needed to truly know and experience the worth of that which is initially only vaguely valued. Thus, too much can lead to too little – too little discernment, decisiveness, commitment, appreciation, sense of gratitude, devotion, discipline, accomplishment, and ultimately, too little meaning and purpose, happiness, a life well lived, and – dare I say – love shown and received.

Thanks,
Dr. Jack

Language Brief

Today, a series of quotes by Emily Brontë. Just because …

“If I could I would always work in silence and obscurity, and let my efforts be known by their results.”

“For the vacant nest and silent song, Hope was there, and laughed me out of sadness; Whispering, “Winter will not linger long!”

“She burned too bright for this world.”

“A person who has not done one half his day’s work by ten o’clock, runs a chance of leaving the other half undone.”

“Every leaf speaks bliss to me, fluttering from the autumn tree.”