Back sometime in early spring 2003, I took a long walk in the forest. I like walking because that’s where and when I get some of my best thinking done. That particular day, I remember promising myself to change something about my career. I was in trouble. 

The previous year, I had started the Medical Board Prep company.  My courses were going well, but I wasn’t doing nearly as well. I was exhausted and not really keeping up with various parts of my life. I had two kids already, a three-year-old and a one-year-old. I wasn’t being a very good father or husband. I had what seemed like two full-time jobs! All my time (and energy) was spent on my day job at the University of Illinois, treating patients, teaching residents, and trying to keep up with my administrative duties. And all the rest of my time was spent on running and expanding the psychiatry prep courses.

I remember having a distinct thought while walking along that path. I thought, “I need to figure out a way to get at least one day off a week from the office if I’m to survive.” I realized that my current path was not sustainable in terms of my university career, my new business, my marriage, and my role as a father.

It was that thought that started the series of other thoughts and actions that culminated in a very different life for me in the following year. First, along that path, I had no other thoughts that I remember on the topic of changing my life. But that was alright. Because over the next days and weeks, as I let my problem and possible solutions percolate through my mind, I embarked on a series of steps.

Within a month, I had talked to my boss, our Department Head, Dr. Joseph Flaherty. I shared my dilemma, and during that conversation, I requested that I reduce my time at the university to half-time for half-pay. I did not speak from a position of confidence and boldness. Instead, I spoke from desperation. I would not be able to manage all that I had to do much longer.

Dr. Flaherty agreed to my request, and I am forever grateful to him for allowing me to do that. If he said no, I would not have had the courage or the financial wherewithal at that time to quit my job. I probably would have struggled with my courses and, perhaps, I would have lost steam and given up on them.

But he did agree. It took me about three months to transition to a half-time position. After all, someone else in the department had to pick up the responsibilities I was giving up. And here’s what happened next.

About a year after going half-time, I again hit a wall. My courses had continued to grow so much that I again was overwhelmed. I went through another series of walks, thoughts, and struggles. And I again ended up having a talk with Dr. Flaherty, this time to resign from my position so that I could devote myself full-time to the prep courses. This was a tough decision, but an unavoidable one. I was juggling two career paths, and I would likely fail at both if I did not decide on one, which meant, of course, deciding against the other one. It was a bittersweet day for me. This time, my transition took six months because I was not going to leave my patients without adequate coverage, which was hard to come by.

So, as I walked along a forest path last week, I recalled that walk over 20 years earlier and what it eventually led to. Within a little over a year after that initial walk, my life changed forever, and that change led to deep satisfaction with the path I took and warm and wistful thoughts of what I decided against.

I think there are several life lessons here, most of which you already know:  success takes a lot of work, it is not guaranteed, it requires giving up on other paths of great value, what is given up should be respected and appropriately grieved, and that other people’s help and understanding are often imperative.

But the lesson I want to focus on is this: every large change has to start with a small thought. You have to give yourself the opportunity to imagine a life you don’t currently live, but, God willing, you could.

Oh, yes, one more lesson: taking a long walk, alone and in silence, can let life’s path come into focus.

So what kind of life and career would you like to have?

Yours in long walks,
Dr. Jack

Language Brief

“Above all, do not lose your desire to walk. Everyday, I walk myself into a state of well-being & walk away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it.” – Søren Kierkegaard

“I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.” – John Muir

“Today is one of those excellent January partly cloudies in which light chooses an unexpected part of the landscape to trick out in gilt, and then the shadow sweeps it away. You know you’re alive. You take huge steps, trying to feel the planet’s roundness arc between your feet.” – Annie Dillard

“But the beauty is in the walking — we are betrayed by destinations.” – Gwyn Thomas